Volume 1: Chapter 1

 Chapter I

  

Crying in a laughing way, living with death.

—Yu Hua, “To Live”.

He dreamed that he was still very young, about five or six years old, sitting at the head of the bed, with a hot radiator on one side and a woman on the other.

The woman was pregnant, so he didn’t dare to lean on her, and only leaned his tilted head on her arm to create a false impression of intimacy and dependence. The woman was really beautiful, not much different from those popular stars on TV, with an oval face, fair complexion, and neat eyebrows.

She was holding a tattered old book in her hand and was reading the story carefully. The woman seemed to have a low level of education and very limited reading ability. She also stuttered when reading simple fairy tales, and often had confusing punctuation, but she seemed to be quite happy, holding the book in one hand and resting the other on her belly, with a sweet and clear voice and a calm and beautiful expression.

“…The children walked to the other side of the mountain and found a stream. The stream happily ran from east to west, saying, ‘Foolish children, here are fragrant cakes, golden roast chickens, countless candies, colourfully hung on the trees, like stars in the sky, you can never pick them all, and there are man-eating monsters here, waiting to raise you into plump lambs and swallow you up in one bite.’”

“At first, the children were so frightened that they dared not cross the creek. They lived on this side of the creek, eating wild mushrooms and wild strawberries. The wild mushrooms were tasteless and the wild strawberries were sour and astringent. Finally one day, the oldest boy said to himself, ‘I can’t stand it anymore. It would be great if I could eat the cakes and roast chicken on the other side, and there would be countless candies.’”

“He was the first to jump over the creek, had a big meal in the beautiful forest, and jumped back to the other side of the creek at night, telling everyone that there were no man-eating monsters in the forest. So the next day, the oldest girl also said to herself, ‘It would be great if I could eat the cakes and roast chicken on the other side, and there would be countless candies.’ That day, she followed the first boy to jump over the creek, had a big meal in the beautiful forest, and the two returned together at night, claiming that they still hadn’t encountered any man-eating monsters.”

“One after another, the boys and girls jumped over the stream to enjoy the delicious food on the other side. A day passed, but the man-eating monster did not come out. A month passed, but the man-eating monster still did not come out. They laughed loudly at the rushing stream, and then lived together on the other side of the stream, freely shuttled through the beautiful forest every day, and ate delicious food and countless candies. Only the youngest boy stayed where he was. No matter how his companions who were getting fatter and fatter shouted on the other side, he refused to take a step closer.”

“The children who crossed the stream shouted to their little friends every day: ‘Hey, come here, the stream is lying, there are no man-eating monsters here, and life here is like heaven!’ But the youngest boy was unmoved. He still made a living by picking mushrooms and wild strawberries. He remembered what his grandmother told him when he went out, that there is no free lunch in the world, and that comfort without reason is the most terrible trap in the jungle.”

“Suddenly one night, the youngest boy heard a sharp roar. He was awakened by the sound. He opened his eyes and found that the stream had risen sharply, splitting the earth in two and turning into an ocean.”

“The ocean was singing: ‘Little lambs, little lambs, round and plump, eat them up in one bite, don’t let any of them run away!’ The youngest boy rubbed his eyes and found that his companions were being chased by a monster as big as a mountain. However, they were too fat and could not run fast at all. Before they reached the water, they were caught up and eaten one by one. They all fell into the most dangerous trap. Only the youngest boy escaped and passed down the story.”

The yellowed pages were turned over, and the story without a beginning or an end was finished. The woman seemed to have completed a big project.

She sighed and said to Wei Qian who was leaning on her casually: “So, people can’t live too comfortably. When you are full of fat and eat until dark every day, you will be close to burping and catching a cold...”

Her pleasant but vulgar voice was interrupted by the sharp ringing of the bell.

Wei Qian opened his eyes suddenly as if he was frightened and jumped up from the bed. It was 5:30 in the morning, and the sky was not yet completely bright.

Wei Qian was still immersed in the dream just now. It was a beautiful dream, but also a nightmare. He was under the low pressure of lack of sleep, and climbed up like a dead dog with difficulty, picked up his slippers, and slapped a cockroach that was crawling over his bed head arrogantly, then jumped under the water pipe on one leg, rinsed the soles of his shoes, washed his hands and rice with the sound of “click” and “click”, and cooked porridge in a deformed small pot.

Then he stuck his head out of the window and saw that the breakfast stall of Ma Zi’s family downstairs had been set up and was heating the oil pan.

Wei Qian blew a long whistle downstairs, not minding waking up the neighbours at all, and shouted to the downstairs: “Ma Zi, give me three fried dough sticks!”

As soon as he finished shouting, the window upstairs also “creaked” open, and a fat man holding a toothbrush said vaguely: “I want six, pick the thick and big ones for me!”

The one shouting was San Pang upstairs. This guy had become fat like a ball, but he was still proud of his “glutton” trait. His ideological level was simply extraordinary.

Wei Qian felt that compared with three and six, he was quite unheroic, so he looked up at San Pang and said: “Pig, you are really active in selling pigs, you have ideological awareness!”

San Pang was foaming at the mouth, so he had no time to pay attention to him. He had to take a pig’s paw out of his busy schedule and gave Wei Qian a middle finger.

Ma Zi’s father had died a long time ago, and he was an orphan living with his widowed mother, who made a living by selling breakfast. Ma Zi had to get up every morning to help his mother fry dough sticks, and he was used to hearing his friends fighting each other early in the morning. He wiped his hands on his apron, said nothing, and waved to the two uncles upstairs with a smile to show that he heard it – oh, Ma Zi was a stutterer, and he usually didn’t talk loudly in public.

Breakfast was settled, Wei Qian went to the toilet to brush his teeth and wash his face like he was going to war, and started his busy and hard day. He let the cooked porridge cool down, cleaned himself up, and trotted downstairs with change to get fried dough sticks. He came back to wake up his sister Xiao Bao, watched her finish breakfast, carried her upstairs, and handed her to Sanpang’s mother to take care of her.

Before leaving, he knocked off Xiao Bao’s hand that was put into her mouth again. Then Wei Qian rode his shabby bicycle to school.

This day was the day Wei Qian took the high school entrance examination. Wei Qian never knew who his father was, nor did he know how many noses and eyes he had. The only concept he had about this person was that the guy was a scumbag – this was because Wei Qian’s mother kept repeating it in his ears for ten years.

It is said that the old shameless man is still squatting in the cell, with a glorious title of “rapist” that is so impressive and fragrant that it is unknown when he will be released – of course, Wei Qian doesn’t expect him to come out, an old labour camp prisoner who can’t do a fart will be a burden to society when he comes out.

Wei Qian thought that it would be best if the old man was beaten to death in prison by other prisoners before he was released from prison.

One of the victims created by the old prisoner was Wei Qian’s mother… Oh, yes, there was also Wei Qian, an indirect victim.

When his mother was young, her mind was a mess. She didn’t learn well and hung out with a bunch of hooligans every day. She got drunk and wandered around outside late at night.

Unfortunately, she was targeted by the old prisoner and became a confused victim.

Later, she became pregnant and gave birth to Wei Qian. Therefore, rationally speaking, Wei Qian understood why his mother didn’t like him since he was a child. He felt that when he was born, she didn’t strangle him directly, which was the effect of hormones…

Hormones are the miracle of human life.

Not to mention that she barely raised him up. But despite this, Wei Qian still hated her from the bottom of his heart. He hated her every day, and hated her at regular times like punching a clock. He wanted to eat her flesh and drink her blood.

However... he would sincerely hope that she could give him some warmth. Occasionally, when she really gave him some, Wei Qian would feel extremely happy.

Therefore, he also hated himself. He thought that he had bad genes and was born with such a mean bone. Women always hide during the day and go out at night. The work she relies on for a living is ancient and traditional, and has a history of thousands of years of being hidden in the light in our country.

This is a job that brings Wei Qian countless “glories” – his mother is a “chicken”. In the words of this bitch, the benefit of this job is that she can get men for free and ask men to give her money. Wei Qian’s rapist father ended her entire girlhood, making her completely black from the inside out and becoming more and more shameless.

As an “egg”, Wei Qian’s childhood was a long torture. His mother would go out every night, cursing, and would not come back until the next morning. She would use her long nails to pinch him out of the quilt to wake him up. If she was in a good mood, she would scold him all at once, including his father, mother, third uncle, and master. If she was in a bad mood, she would slap him twice, and then, drunkenly, order little Wei Qian, who was not even as tall as the stove, to get her something to eat.

There were several times when Wei Qian bought rat poison and prepared to put it in the food to die with her, but in the end he failed because the woman would occasionally try to be a mother and hold him in her soft arms to watch TV for a while, and whisper a few words to him in his ear when she was happy.

If she made a lot of money at night, she would buy two sets of pancakes for Wei Qian on the way home in the morning. Although this kind of situation was precious and hard to come by, it always made the young Wei Qian flattered. Every time this happened, he didn’t want to kill this woman because he would remember that this woman was his biological mother.

His biological mother was more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen in his life, but she didn’t bring him any glory. But after all, there was only one person in the world who was his biological mother. If she was killed, she would be gone, and he couldn’t bear it. The two of them lived like this, hating each other and relying on each other.

When Wei Qian was five years old, his mother remarried. His stepfather was an honest man who didn’t make much money and had no skills. He wasn’t very warm to his adopted son, but he never abused him.

Later, probably because he felt that he was an eyesore at home, when Wei Qian just turned six, his stepfather took the initiative to send him to primary school, riding a large 28-inch bicycle to take him to school.

Wei Qian called him uncle. After his uncle came, his mother “put down the butcher knife and became a Buddha on the spot” overnight. She never went out to fool around again. Almost immediately, she washed off her makeup, tied her long hair high, never touched a drop of alcohol, and her temper improved a lot.

She transformed herself into a normal woman and a normal mother. That winter, she even knitted a sweater for Wei Qian. He only wore that sweater for one winter. Because he grew too fast, he couldn’t wear it the next year.

However, Wei Qian kept it in the closet with great care, because it was almost the only gift he received in his childhood.

It is said that children of six or seven years old roll around everywhere and are even hated by dogs, but when Wei Qian was six or seven years old, he was as obedient as a dog.

He didn’t say a word of nonsense and didn’t ask for anything. If the adults didn’t give it to him, he would never ask for money. Sometimes when there was something to pay for in school, Wei Qian would borrow money from others first, and then go to the billiard hall or game hall to help others and earn a few dollars to pay it back.

In the process, he met many gangsters who were much older than him. The boss saw that he was young and it was interesting to run around picking up balls and serving dishes.

In addition, he had good eyesight and was very good at reading people’s faces, so he kept him as a strange mascot to play with in his spare time. Wei Qian enjoyed it and did not feel painful, because he learned at school that he was also a flower bud in the motherland. He was satisfied with this kind of life.

Therefore, he was always afraid that his uncle would be unhappy, and that his uncle would divorce his mother and let him live a life worse than pigs and dogs. When Wei Qian was seven and a half years old, but not yet eight years old, his mother gave birth to another girl. The girl looked like his uncle – oh, that is, very ugly, but the whole family loved her very much.

She was born in spring, and her parents thought names like “Spring” and “Willow” were too rustic and unsuitable for their precious girl. It was difficult for her mother and uncle, who had less than nine years of education combined, to come up with a name they thought was poetic, “Song Lili”. She had the same surname as her uncle, Song, and the “Lili” in “Liliyuanshangcao*”. Her nickname was Xiao Bao.

  Ivy: In Chinese this word is written as ‘离离原上草’. This is a translation and annotation of the poem 賦得古原草送別 (Fùde Gǔ Yuáncǎo Sòngbié), by the Tang dynasty poet 白居易 (Bái Jūyì). The poem is #152 in the collection 300 Tang Poems, and is also known by its first line: (Lí lí yuán shàng cǎo). It translates to ‘Lush grass on the plains’. For the whole poem please refer to this link: https://eastasiastudent.net/china/classical/bai-juyi-farewell-grassland/

However, Wei Qian rarely called his sister this unlucky name.

He called her “Xiao Bao” until she grew up. Instead of saying “get together”, he had to say “leave”. No one ever heard of anyone giving their child such a name. It must be as auspicious as possible. His biological mother and stepfather, both illiterate, only cared about “wetness”.

They gave the child such a name purely for fun. This unlucky name will accompany the little girl for the rest of her life, and it seems to indicate that separation and death will run through her fragile life from beginning to end.